Thursday, September 13, 2007

Da Pain!!! Da Pain!!!

It’s back. I had done my best to ignore it for the past 6 weeks with a sophisticated blend of alcohol, barbituites, and denial. Unfortunately an incident at my son’s school shook me back to reality. Just when I thought I had the bastard conquered, he lunges for my throat. Pain, gotta love it.

I really thought things had been going well. Both jobs are rolling along and I have a great idea for a business. I have been meeting new, interesting people (of both sexes, amazingly…) and have truly started to embrace Kansas City and find my way in its off-beat culture. Yet, somehow I knew it would inevitably begin to crumble.

I could tell by the tone of her voice during the message that there was some sort of problem. I do not typically get the 7:45 a.m. “call me” messages from her. In fact, I do not typically get messages from her anymore at all. As it turns out, my son had been suspended from school for threatening another child. Apparently in this post-Columbine, post-9/11 world that type of behavior is unacceptable. The threats were idle and were nothing more then kids being kids. The suspension was minor. The whole incident was minor, but the effect it had on me would hardly fall into that category.

Somehow I reasoned that this issue had roots in the divorce. That enormous sense of abandonment returned and the gears of remorse, rue, and regret began to turn in my head again. For the first time in 12 months I seriously began to contemplate a return to Ohio. Rather than let this sense of failure as a parent continue to dominate my life and dictate my behavior, why not return and face it head on? It seems so simple; why not just go back so that I do not always have that giant “what if” hanging over me. To any normal, reasonably sane individual the answer would be simple; unfortunately, I am neither normal nor sane hence the difficulties. If I am to return I need to know that she will at least make an effort at reconciliation. I need that for selfish reasons, but I also need it for the most unselfish reason of all—the children.

I am not the same person she divorced. I like to think I have changed for the better and I like to think that she would be able to recognize that in me and I like to think that things could move forward for the sake of the all parties involved. Of course, I also like to think that she is happy to be rid of me and doing better without me; hence, the pain.

On a lighter note, I could always go back to reading imbecilic, myopic ramblings. At least everything is right in the world.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

The Politics of Hypocrisy: Pro-life, Anti-health

I feel like I should not be surprised anymore regarding news about our current administration. Whether it is the recent disclosure of ‘data’ sheets used by people in the Green Zone to better understand the politicians that they are talking to, or the continued revelations regarding the extreme politicization of the DOJ, I should probably be comfortable with it by now. You know, close my eyes and whistle past the graveyard, but the news this week about the power of the infant formula lobby blew me away. Pro-life, anti-health. Is there any better way to describe the behavior of the Grand Old Hypocrites? Let’s see, every single fucking blastocyst needs to be brought into this world, but once they are here, fuck’em. Let them fend for themselves. Why does the Bush Administration care that the images in a commercial expounding the virtues of breast feeding are thought provoking and hard edged? It is scientific fact that breast feeding is more beneficial to a newborn’s development than formula. Oh wait; I just answered my own question. I forgot about the extreme aversion to science that those who reside in the White House suffer from. It shocks me that the same man who will not allow stem cell research to be federally funded because it destroys ‘life’, is willing to risk the health of said ‘life’ after birth because the formula lobby has deep pockets and considerable power in Washington. The whole situation turns my stomach. Can someone please suggest a nice country looking to accept American ex-pats? I have had it.