Monday, April 21, 2008

Earth Day-Just Another Crappy Day That Makes Me Think Of Her

It’s always something. Today is the eve of an anniversary of some sort between the two of us. Lo, some 18 or 19 years ago we spent Earth Day together which was our first ‘official’ date, discounting of course the drunken night at the Balcony which was obviously too sloppy and not nearly romantic enough to be considered. If I recall correctly, we were not even alone, I think we were chaperoned by one of her friends and a large extremely hairy mixed breed canine of dubious parentage whose name I think was, Yeti, or Wookie, (actually, not Yeti, that was my buddy’s nickname for the dog’s owner) anyway, you get the picture. Being the nouveau hippies that we were, we attended an Earth Day celebration. There were Frisbees, Hacky Sacks, and weed. There were shitty Mexican blankets which we lazed on in Pfeffer Park staring at the clear spring sky and the trees and plants erupting from dormancy. Mainly though, there was her. I can distinctly remember how graceful I thought she was and how lucky I considered myself that a person of such beauty would want to spend time with a derelict like me. Her laugh, her smile; the usual suspects were all in attendance. Alas, that day is gone, so far gone in fact that she can barely stand the thought of speaking with me. Three kids, two dogs and thousands of broken dreams later those days seem almost to be a mirage; an image too good to be true replaced by anger, bitterness, and remorse. God, I wish those feelings were recyclable.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Appalled? Yes. Shocked? No.

After reading the article in today’s Times detailing the Pentagon and Administration’s intentional manipulation/use of retired military brass to catapult their propaganda on the national news networks, I was appalled. Obviously, I was not shocked, but this disastrous group of so-called leaders can still manage to upset even the most jaded. I gotta give them credit for that, after 7 years, I thought I had seen or heard it all. Well done, comrades! The article is filled with the requisite “I’ll scratch my back if you’ll scratch mine” type of shenanigans we have grown to expect from these clowns. Analysts immediately fall out of grace after actually speaking their mind, much less the truth. Other analysts continuing to land cushy government contracts for the various military support companies they lobby for after being privy to inside information. You know the usual Bush Administration bullshit. However, I was given pause by this series of paragraphs:
“I saw immediately in 2003 that things were going south,” General Vallely, one of the Fox analysts on the trip, recalled in an interview with The Times.
The Pentagon, though, need not have worried.
“You can’t believe the progress,” General Vallely told Alan Colmes of Fox News upon his return. He predicted the insurgency would be “down to a few numbers” within months.
“We could not be more excited, more pleased,” Mr. Cowan told Greta Van Susteren of Fox News. There was barely a word about armor shortages or corrupt Iraqi security forces. And on the key strategic question of the moment — whether to send more troops — the analysts were unanimous.
“I am so much against adding more troops,” General Shepperd said on CNN.

So despite the fact these men knew otherwise, they went on National television and lied to make sure they continued to get access to the Pentagon brass in order to help their lobbying and consulting careers. What have these lies wrought? Countless casualties on both sides of the conflict, enormous waste of American treasure, and of course the continued deterioration of American standing as a world leader. I would argue that we have descended to the point of laughing stock and/or punch line. So, I need to ask the question, beyond the moral shit storm these men deserve to deal with for the rest of their lives, are there any criminal charges that can be brought against them? I would expect some of them that were named in this article to face civil suits from families of deceased troops and I would expect these suits to fail, but regardless, these men need to face some sort of discipline for their deceitful, and in some ways, murderous actions. Will they? As usual, I won’t hold my breath.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Three Beer Decisions

I can’t help but think that my most recent three beer decision might be the last one I ever make. Probably wishful thinking, but nonetheless, the decision to play in an NHL rules full contact hockey game at the age of 39 while tipping the scales at a mean 135lbs., just could trigger my demise. If I post sporadically after April 25th, it is most likely because I am in traction at the local hospital. As my loyal readers know, I have made many stupid three beer decisions over the years, in fact in some way they probably define my life. Bad decision followed by a lack of judgment, pour over ice, shake, decant, serve. Although I would be reticent not to mention that a good portion of those three beer decisions have led to some spectacular evenings and crazy hijinks. Therein lies the rub.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

She Fucking Hates Me

I asked her how she felt about me attending the party at her house for our daughter. She said she hadn’t thought about it. Right, you have not given it a thought. You, of the calculated severing of ties, controlling communications, and limiting contact; I believe that about as much as I believe the Royals are going to win the World Series this year or the Democrats will take back the White house. I suggested that perhaps it would not be a comfortable situation. She agreed. So as it stands, I am going to fly back for the chance to witness (from afar) my Daughter’s first communion (Boy, do I loooove me some church...), then retreat to the safety of my hotel room with my tail firmly between my legs and wait for the next morning when I will be provided the opportunity to spend perhaps 2 hours with my kids before boarding a plane and flying home. It reminds me of those stupid MasterCard ads:
Plane Ticket: $285
Hotel: $260
Rental Car: $100
Chance for Ex to be a complete manipulative, heartless freak: Priceless

I’m actually progressing to the point of recovery where I’m wondering how the hell I wasted 16 years of my life with someone so cold and intentionally hurtful.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Rock, Freakin' Chalk

It's crazy in the Land of Oz. What a game. This about sums it up.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Smugness

It's so blindingly bright and ear-piercingly loud. I think I need to throw up. This is my favorite excerpt:
DePaulo: "[W]hen people say, 'You've created this climate of fear--'"

Rove: "I laugh."

DePaulo: "You laugh?"

Rove: "Yeah. I laugh. Sure. How? What, exactly? I'm not apologetic about what this administration has done. It's protecting America. It has won important battles in a war that we as a nation better win or we will leave the future to our kids, a much darker and dangerous future."

H/T: Froomkin

Instant Therapy

In my some days are better than others, why do I have to open my eyes this morning, the sun came out again world, I have found very little to provide instant therapy. Let me rephrase that, I have found very little to provide legal, non-toxic, non-debilitating hangover causing instant therapy. However, today I received a dose of something that I forgot works very well: the mountains. I had to travel to Northwest Arkansas for work and arrived under cover of darkness yesterday to the town of Fayetteville. I awoke this morning surrounded by small mountains, drizzle and fairly dense fog. Not exactly a depressive’s formula for happiness, but 5 minutes into a drive to see clients changed all that. I felt hope and happiness as the thoughts of simpler times and far away places flooded my mind while rolling through the old local hills. Hell, I even saw a deer that hadn’t been crushed by a semi yet…yet.

Update: The day was just made better by the discovery of this place. Simply amazing. However, I fear I might have to disguise my purchase while passing through Missouri and Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm not so certain the Constitution is still adhered to in those places.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Megachurch of Townser

As the economy continues to falter here in the U.S., my thoughts have turned toward some sort of get rich quick scheme to help make ends meet. My best idea so far is to start a religion and outfit it with a fancy mega-church. I figured since I’m already ordained (Thank you Internets!!!) I’m halfway there. I commissioned some friends and acquaintances to write down some of the thoughts they had when thinking about me to help get the Church of Townser started. Their responses are posted below.

Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only Townser can count all the apples in one seed. ~Robert H. Schuller
Every evening I turn my worries over to Townser. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley
Townser loves each of us as if there were only one of us. ~St. Augustine
Young man, young man, your arm's too short to box with Townser. ~James Weldon Johnson
Townser understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown
What we are is Townser 's gift to us. What we become is our gift to Townser. ~Eleanor Powell
A man with Townser is always in the majority. ~John Knox
You can tell the size of your Townser by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your Townser. ~Author Unknown
Maybe the atheist cannot find Townser for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman. ~Author Unknown
I don't know if Townser exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. ~Jules Renard
A man can no more diminish Townser 's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. ~C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
The soul can split the sky in two and let the face of Townser shine through. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
Townser is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button to get things done. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick
The feeling remains that Townser is on the journey, too. ~Teresa of Avila
Townser 's last name is not "Dammit." ~Author Unknown
Once one has seen Townser, what is the remedy? ~Sylvia Plath, "Mystic"
As the poet said, "Only Townser can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. ~Woody Allen
Clearly, Townser is a Democrat. ~Patrick Caddell
Townser: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. ~Mark Twain

Now I’m just going to sit back and wait for the donations to roll in, and also commit adultery with a meth-addled male prostitute, because that’s very good for business.

FYI-Photo taken 10 miles from where I was born

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Yes, I have plenty of them, but this post is not about me. This post is more of an indictment of what passes as the media in this country. Why is there so little coverage of the actual issues in the presidential race? I know that the differences between the democratic candidates are fairly subtle, but they still need to be hashed out. I am so sick of hearing about Hill’s sniper-fire story and Obama’s good reverend Wright. Why am I not hearing about their stances on immigration (which personally I could give two shits about) or the economy or their ideas about what direction our foreign policy should head or the looming energy crises or environmental policy or …..

Anyway, you get the gist of it. And when are we going to stop hearing about what a straight-talkin’ maverick McCrazy is and actually have a member of our media confront him on one of his numerous positions about our standing in the Middle East? Since they continue to change daily, you would think someone might want to pin him down on that one. But he is a maverick and also a straight –talker!!!!!!