HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

I'm so happy.

Anniversary Blues

Yep, it's another one of those days. I guess I should have known when I woke up to the grey skies and light drizzle that things were not all that peachy. I had hoped that because of my situation with someone that I would not spend that much time thinking about her. I was wrong (nothing new there). This is going to be my last post related to our failed relationship. I am done wasting valuable emotional energy on her when I have so much better use for it.

From the Department of this Shit Shouldn't Matter

The story regarding Sarah Palin's and the RNC's $150k shopping spree would be a non-issue if it weren't for the fact that the Repubs continue to try to bullshit the country into thinking they are the party of fiscal responsibility. Fucking hypocrites. Oh, and anyone who believes that they were really planning on donating the items to charity post election is probably just gullible enough to vote for these a-holes. That excuse sounds a little like trying to put lipstick on a pig! *Rimshot*

A Reasonable Discourse

Cross posted here

Your esteemed moderator at this fine blog asked me to make a reasoned case for the election of Barack Obama. He gave me no guidelines other than a rough word limit. Therefore, I decided to set a rule for myself. I am going to make my arguments on Obama’s merits, not McCain and Palin’s perceived deficiencies because in my mind that would be akin to shooting fish in a barrel (Ok, I just had to get off one shot…). While I understand that for the most part, the American electorate seems to care very little about actual policy and would much rather concern itself with Inside Edition-like gossipy crap I feel that this election is far too important to get into the kind of worthless discourse that includes race baiting, religious intolerance, class discrimination, and a tremendous amount of outright lies spread through vicious internet based smear campaigns..

I would be tremendously off base if I did not address the economy and taxes right off the bat as these two subjects seem to be at the forefront of everyone’s mind right now with nearly 77% of the population unhappy with the economic direction of our country. I feel that Obama’s plan to increase taxes on corporate earnings is on base. However, I have little faith that this would actually increase revenue due to the tremendous number of loopholes in the tax code. It’s interesting to note that McCain has the exact opposite philosophy as the plan he announced yesterday to assist the bailout would extend more tax credits to corporations. I strongly disagree with that course. I am more heartened by Obama’s plan to cut taxes to over 100 million families (those earning less than $250k). I would also like to see him follow through on his promise to revoke Bush’s tax cuts that we all agree benefit the ultra-wealthy and were the first of their kind during a time of war. Neither candidate in my mind does enough to curb spending; although McCain seems way off base in his idea to make the aforementioned tax cuts permanent when the country is mired in tremendous debt.

The words leadership and experience are tossed about everyday by the punditocracy as if they have a firm definition of either of those concepts. In other words, one person’s idea of leadership might be nearly the exact opposite of another’s definition. As we have seen over the course of the past 8 years, neither word seems to mean what the majority of the US electorate would hope! I firmly believe that Barack Obama has plenty of experience to handle the office of the Presidency. Moreover; I have full confidence that as a leader he would surround himself with the best and the brightest available. After all, isn’t that the mark of a good leader; the ability to recognize one’s own deficiencies and put people in place who can handle the situation more effectively? We have seen during the Bush presidency what cronyism and the ability to ignore history and not attempt to learn from mistakes will lead to. Honestly, since when is being thoughtful and open to ideas a bad thing? I trust Obama to make reasoned decisions and not rule from his gut. Additionally, I believe that an Obama presidency would instantly transform our world standing. It should be abundantly apparent that we are all in this together and we need someone that can unite the world behind us, not cut a fiery swath ala General Sherman or President Bush. I do not trust McCain to be that leader. His world view is too closely aligned with the failed policies of the Neo-Con brain trust (I use that term very loosely).

Closely tied to our standing in the world are the two wars we are currently mired in which are bleeding precious funds from our country and more importantly taking precious lives. Obama pledges to begin an orderly withdrawal from Iraq and to refocus our efforts in Afghanistan. I feel this is the absolute best case scenario short of pulling out of both countries (sorry as a bleeding heart, I find war to be absolutely abhorrent, especially unnecessary ones). Setting aside our reasons for being in Iraq, I think we can all agree that the ages old sectarian differences renewed by our proverbial bat to the beehive are not going to be settled by American interlopers, no matter how long we stay there. Let’s cut our losses. Meanwhile, the most recent NIE sees things beginning to spiral out of control in the true central front for the war on terror in Afghanistan and to a large extent Pakistan. Obama pledges to refocus our efforts there and also to track bin Laden into Pakistan if necessary. I agree lets keep our eye on the ball.

Due to space restrictions, I will not be able to delve into healthcare as deeply as I would like, but let it be known that I do not want my benefits taxed as McCain suggests and I would much rather find affordable, accessible healthcare available to all.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention education. This is the one area where I will break the rule I stated earlier. Can anyone explain to me McCain’s position on this all-important subject? Does he even understand the importance of this issue and that our population continues to lag behind other countries? If we want to be the best and the brightest, we need to educate our children in such a fashion, not ignore our deficiencies. I feel that Obama is so far out in front of McCain on this issue that it does not really merit a discussion.

Thanks for the opportunity,
Townser

For further information, please visit www.barackobama.com/issues/

Pitchforks and Torches

This is getting ridiculous.

Idiocy

No comment necessary.

This Woman Scares the Fuck out of Me

I'm not sure when I became so disconnected from the pulse of America, but obviously it occurred quite some time ago. How else can I come to grips with the phenomena known as Sarah Palin? Why does this woman have such allure for some people? I don't know about the rest of you, but I for one do not want "Joe Six Pack" anywhere near the White House much less negotiating with foreign leaders or appointing judges. Have these morons been asleep for the past 8 years? Joe Six Pack has driven this country to the brink of disaster and yet a large portion of the population still wants more. Is New Zealand looking to increase it's population because I'm considering immigrating there (wait, maybe this is all a plan to control the population through reverse immigration)? Why can't people see that this woman is frightening in her abject ruthlessness, adversity to thought and ideas, as well as her track record of vindictive political maneuvers? For a taste of what this country has become, scroll through the comments of this. Bear in mind that this is a right wing site and the comments are in response to a column by Kathleen Parker not exactly a bleeding heart...

The Void

Two and a half months have passed since I had Townes euthanized and it really has not gotten any easier. I still miss him tremendously and second guess my decision on a daily basis. The void he left is staggering.

RNC to the MAXXXXXXX

In lieu of sticking pencils in my ears, I've decided to drink my way through tonight's festivities. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to drink fast enough.

The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

Since my return from Hilton Head Island earlier this summer, I have been trying to figure out a way to present/write this post. Fortunately, the Republican National Convention has given me just the platform. I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed by my ethnicity. I understand this is really difficult ground to tread without discharging numerous racial mines, so please bear with me. What I am mainly disillusioned by is our (meaning the white population) inability to embrace the changing ethnic landscape that this country is undergoing. It is my true hope that the 2008 RNC in St. Paul is the last time I have to look at a crowd filled completely with aging, out of touch Caucasians rallying for other aging out of touch Caucasians who are advocating a platform that supports only aging out of touch Caucasians. Seriously, I wonder how many of the delegates in attendance have taken a good look around their communities lately. Because, if they had, they would have to be a little shaken by the fact that the people in attendance with them in St. Paul bear little resemblance to those that they run across in everyday life at the convenience store, or dry cleaners, or grocery store, or dentists’ office. I know that the dems supposedly occupy the elitist ground in this country, but we all know that position is theirs solely because of the likes of Karl Rove and his minions. I defy anyone to spend a week in Hilton Head or Kiawah and tell me which party is the party of the elite.

Full Disclosure: I am part Native American, so maybe this post is nothing but sour grapes.

In which I Attempt to Tie the News Ticker to the Ruination of our Society

I am asking for an immediate moratorium on the news ticker or tracker or whatever the fuck you want to call the thing that crawls along the bottom of every channel on the teevee telling me all I need to know about complex stories in a simple 6 word sentence. Enough already, this piece of crap is ruining the world. For Exhibit A, just look at the current coverage of the election in this country. We are bombarded with tidbits about the look of the set that Barack is going to speak from, yet very little about the actual content of the speech. We concern ourselves with the chai-ification of the snobbish dems, yet do not even hash out the details of Obama’s even handed economic plan. I firmly believe that the news ticker has killed our ability to reason and analyze information as it is presented to us. And furthermore, it has helped squeeze those stories and situations that need reason and analysis off the teevee screen and pages of the newspaper only to be replaced by mind-numbing minutiae that fits the 6 word formula.

Even worse is the type of journalism and journalist that has been spawned by our need to diffuse every story into 6 words. In a time when a myriad of issues need to be sorted out regarding the dismal state of this country both here and abroad why should I ever have to see Dan Abrams on my television spouting completely irrelevant commentary? Seriously Dan, are you a political/legal reporter or a gossip columnist? Judging from the fact you were recently dumped from prime time and from every bit of work you have done in your miserable life, I’m gonna stick with gossip columnist for now. Dan, it is called nuance. Remember there are varying ways to report Paris’s panty-less nights amongst the glitterati and the hypocrisy of McCain’s claims to support a living wage or minimum wage increases. Just decide which one you want to handle, but please stop combining the two. I understand our political discourse in this country is stupid, but could we attempt to inject some sort of rational thought into it. The stakes are far too high.

The Skepticism of a Skeptic

As the days continue to pass and all is calm on the good ship Townser, I continue to become less skeptical of my skepticalness of the direction this thing is headed. Somehow, someway, it is working with someone. She has helped to restore happiness to a veritable wasteland of depression, remorse, embarrassment, and borderline hatred. Now, just don’t blow it you shithead.

Things I Learned from my Kids this Summer

I learned that they have absolutely no concept of “old” cameras that actually have film in them. My 6 year old was truly baffled as to how the pictures were going to be retrieved from the camera’s innards; “Dad, I need you to help me get the pictures out. How are we going to do it?”

I also learned that they are good, well adjusted kids. Watching them interact with other kids of similar ages was reassuring. They seemed very comfortable in their own skin and all exuded their mother’s extreme calmness. And, of course, they are extremely, and I mean, EXTREMELY smart.

I learned that they are cool. Despite the fact that my middle child has the Jonas Brothers on her iPod, she still reacted by saying, “Thank you. Thank you very much”, when an Elvis impersonator reached out to shake her hand.

I re-learned just exactly how much I miss them and how much I need them in my life. My house seems so fucking empty without them not to mention the emptiness inside me.

Letter to a Friend

Townes-

I hope that I am doing the right thing. I just wish that you could tell me that I am. This is easily the most difficult decision that I have had to make in my life to this point, and with my history of bad decisions, I hope I do not live to regret this one. But recently, when I have looked at you, I think I can see you reassuring me in the expression on your face. Sadly, I guess I will never truly know. What I do know is that your illness has reduced you to a shadow of your former self and I am having a hard time coping with that fact. I knew 13 years ago when I got you that this day would come and that it would be a difficult day. Frankly, I had no idea just how difficult it would be. And that’s mainly because of what a fantastic animal and friend you are and have always been. Your companionship and unyielding love have almost single-handedly gotten me through some of my toughest times, and God knows there have been many. I hope you understand how much you mean to me and how special you are. You have touched more people than you will ever know. I will cherish your memory and never forget the days we spent together especially those blissful days in the mountains and woods where you seemed so content. Please know that someday I will take you back to the mountains where you belong. I’m going to place you near where you used to play with your friend Elk. The two of you can run together for eternity. I hope that will be a suitable place for you. I’m not sure that you understand the impact you have had on my life as it has truly been profound. Sometimes I wish that I could be half the man that you are dog. Your nobility and grace would suit me well. Please rest assured that your presence will never leave me. You will be dearly missed.

Go in peace,
Matt

What was He Thinking?

As we roll through this lovely campaign season, or as I like to call it, the most shitful time of the year™, I found this little gem from Mr. Whitman and it reminded me of just how far we have fallen. Indissoluble companionship? Fucking blasphemy. The guy must have been some sort of dirty fucking hippie.

For You, O Democracy

Come, I will make the continent indissoluble,
I will make the most splendid race the sun ever shone upon,
I will make divine magnetic lands,
With the love of comrades,
With the life-long love of comrades.

I will plant companionship thick as trees along all the rivers of America,
and along the shores of the great lakes, and all over the prairies,
I will make inseparable cities with their arms about each other's necks,
By the love of comrades,
By the manly love of comrades.

For you these from me, O Democracy, to serve you ma femme!
For you, for you I am trilling these songs.

From the Department of Simple Truths

I drink because I hurt. There, I said it, and it wasn’t even that difficult. My emotional pain has been well documented on this page, but recently spiritual and physical pain has really played a large part in my supposed well-being. I have always found spiritual release in nature, but with an ailing hound, I have been unable to make my typical journeys into the hills and woods out of sheer guilt. I was shocked at the impact a few days at the beach had on my demeanor. Somehow I need to get past my feelings about Townes (my dog), and continue to feed my spiritual being. The relief from physical pain unfortunately, does not seem to have such an easy solution. I’m assuming that at the ripe old age of 39, I should not be in constant pain and have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Maybe I should begin to take it a little more slowly in terms of my athletic endeavors, but what exactly will that accomplish? My guess is that it will just manifest itself as more emotional pain which will just spur more drinking. Oh well.

Ever Decreasing Liberty

Mr Dodd doing our Founders' proud on the Senate floor. Finally.

That's Your Answer? Really????

I cherry-picked this tidbit from Atrios and found it to be absolutely appalling.

Fortune magazine asked McCain and Obama, "What do you see as the gravest long-term threat to the U.S. economy?

They said:

Obama: If we don't get a handle on our energy policy, it is possible that the kinds of trends we've seen over the last year will just continue. Demand is clearly outstripping supply. It's not a problem we can drill our way out of. It can be a drag on our economy for a very long time unless we take steps to innovate and invest in the research and development that's required to find alternative fuels. I think it's very important for the federal government to have a role in that process.

McCain: Well, I would think that the absolute gravest threat is the struggle that we're in against Islamic extremism, which can affect, if they prevail, our very existence. Another successful attack on the United States of America could have devastating consequences. You've been a supporter of climate-change legislation that would essentially impose a penalty on the use of fossil fuel.

Really? I'm am so disgusted by this response. It reeks of sweet Rudy G screaming 9/11 from the rooftops. Just how stupid does Mr. McCain think the American electorate is? Wait...don't answer that. If I was Obama, I would hit John with this at every opportunity. God, I really cannot wait for the debates, it's going to be hard to avert the eyes.

Shrilltastic

I guess we can file this under the ‘too little too late’ tab. Friedman in today’s Times:

It is hard for me to find the words to express what a massive, fraudulent, pathetic excuse for an energy policy this is.

While I truly appreciate the sentiment and the harsh tone, I cannot help but ask what the fuck took you so long to call this President out? Where was the outrage surrounding Bush’s greatest bamboozle, the war in Iraq? It’s not just Friedman; others have picked up their level of dissatisfaction and really ramped up the criticism. To me, it seems a little like giving the bully the finger as he is being marched into the principals office or thumbing your nose at the freshly convicted thug. All I can honestly say is welcome to the party. I guess better late than never, although you might have a difficult time reconciling your actions with the families of the 4000+ deceased soldiers, the families of the countless injured G.I.’s, and oh, yeah, every Iraqi on the face of the earth. Good luck with all that and enjoy that guy staring back at you in the mirror for the rest of your life. Thanks for nothing.

If It's the Beaches*

So, I am in the midst of my first vacation that was not child related in 3 plus years. It feels quite awkward to be in a place where I have no parental or occupational duties to perform throughout the day. Actually, that last statement is not quite true, as I need to baby-sit my friend 3-Beer Bryan quite frequently. That being said, there is something fantastic about having no responsibilities other than having to drag myself to the beach in the morning and back home from the bar or restaurant at night. Thank goodness that God invented Tylenol and his evil twin, Tylenol PM. Mmmmmmm, eases the pain…

*Title courtesy of these guys.

Summing Up the GOP

Frank Rich hits one out of the park:

But the substance was even worse than the theatrics. Incredibly, Mr. McCain attacked Mr. Obama for being insufficiently bipartisan while speaking to the most conspicuously partisan audience you can assemble in today’s America: a small, nearly all-white crowd that seconded his attack lines with boorish choruses of boos. On TV, the audience came across as a country-club membership riled by a change in the Sunday brunch menu.

Ouch!

Beyond Stupid

I refuse to link to any of these articles, but it seems you cannot throw a rock into the Intertubes without hitting a diatribe from a Hillary supporter who says that they will sit out the election or vote for McCain in November. I have honestly never heard a more stupid proposal in my life and that is saying a lot. This type of thinking is wrong on every level and really does not justify a response. It does however cause my blood pressure to rise every time I think about it.

Living the Dream

Maybe I should not have written that last post denigrating the great state of Texas. It seems to have caused a bit of a downturn of luck in my ever-so-fantastic life. Since I have last posted, I‘ve lost my job including company car and the all-important gas card, my son broke his arm just in time for summer (you know those 9-year-olds and trees…), a good friends mother died in a freak accident, and my beloved dog Townes (the one who has been with me through all the shit, the one who seems to understand my thoughts and feelings before I can come to grips with them) appears to be dying. He has been fading for quite some time, but now he is unable to keep a meal down. Hopefully, I will find out more tomorrow after a million dollar visit to the vets office. He is still in good spirits, but obvious pain. I have been steeling myself for this moment for sometime, but somehow I don’t think that one can ever prepare for such an event.

In short, I have been living the dream. On the positive side, I moved into a new place and have been able to get through most all of our old belongings that I have been hauling around with me for the past 4 years without breaking down once. Certainly, a minor miracle, although I did turn the AC on yesterday for the first time, or should I say attempted to turn the AC on for the first time. Oh well, what’s a little humidity between a man and his dogs. I found myself laughing at the fact that I viewed life without AC as a serious obstacle as I sat reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Talk about putting things in perspective; let’s see, no AC for awhile or facing obliteration of my race, family, and way of life. I guess I’ll take the former.

What's the Matter with Texas?

With all due respect to my dear colleague Stephen Colbert, I would like to offer the second part of my fifty part series, “What’s the matter with….” In this case my subject will be Texas. Really, just what the fuck is the matter with that place? I posit that this state has done more to fuck up our country then the other 49 combined. Seriously, that statement is not hyperbole; if anything it is not strong enough. Aside from the fact that about 99% of the music I listen to and my pay checks come from that place, I would be happy to see it slide into the Rio Grande. This is a place that represents everything that sucks about America. It is the largest single pollution producing state in our country and one of the largest polluters in the world. It has an incredible rate of child poverty and incarceration (gee, you think there might be a correlation?). It also helped spawn the great Frankenstein of tort reform, thus assuring that corporations are not responsible for any harm that befalls their unsuspecting customers/prey. Texans seem to despise immigrants although their state would cease to function without their presence. Urban sprawl is the norm and city planning is viewed as a laughable undertaking. Oh, I would be severely remiss if I did not mention the smugness. Listen Texas, your state sucks and it only makes the rest of us hate you more when you act so hoity-toity, capeche? And to ice the proverbial cake, the great republic of Texas has given us two of the worst Presidents ever. Funny enough, in true Texas chutzpah, they chose to be known by their initials; LBJ and GWB.

We all know that GWB is a fuck stick of enormous proportions who has literally fucked up everything he has ever attempted. I am going to leave him alone today, because it’s really not polite to kick someone when they are down, and more than 71% of his fellow Amurkans consider him to be down. That leaves good old Lyndon for now. The man who decided to keep us in Nam rather then allow the statement Jack Kennedy had signed to begin the removal of our 16,000 troops to hold sway. Not only did we have to stay, we also had to bring over an additional 3 million of our finest. Oh, but first we had to devise a better reason to be there. No problem, this devious douchebag had no problem (along w/Robert McNamara) setting up the Gulf of Tonkin incident and voila, a furious public needs revenge. Of course what’s a little gun play in a gulf a world away when you have already managed to murder 17 of your own political rivals back here in the states including your former President (allegedly)?

I know that there is a constant campaign for Texans to secede from the union; I humbly suggest that we beat them to the punch and kick them out. Also Barack if you are reading this, and I know you are please for the love of God do not go to Texas once you are elected.

The End of America

The fall of the American empire is at hand and it is has started in Catoosa, Oklahoma. One might ask; how can anyone from Kansas (not that I’m technically “from” Kansas anyway) make fun of any other place in the continental U.S? Well, dear reader, I’m about to explain that to you. Be patient, a-hole(s)! At first glance, Catoosa is merely a suburb of the booming metropolis of Tulsa. As for why Tulsa has this reputation of some king of undercover cool town, I have yet to figure out. For now, we’ll save Tulsa for another day. Back to the task at hand, the fall of the American empire and Catoosa, Oklahoma; last night I booked a room at a new hotel off of highway 44. Not wanting to stay in the casino, the Holiday Inn Express was my only option in town as far as I could tell and is actually quite nice.

After checking in, I worked for a while in my room (they even have the Internets in Catoosa!) and then felt the need to go out and check out the town, or at least find something to eat. I headed east, past the Wendy’s, Waffle House, Burger King, and someone’s ‘home cooked all you can eat’ buffet in search of something with a little bit of local flavor and hopefully not a franchise operation. East was the wrong way to go. After the Waffle House, there was nothing for 8 miles so I turned around and tried a couple of side streets that I had seen to no avail. I passed back through the two stop lights at the highway exit/town and passed my hotel headed west. As I descended into trailer park hell, I quickly realized that this was not the right direction. Quite hungry at this point, I noticed a lot of traffic at a small strip mall about 500 yards from the hotel. There was a grocery store, Subway, pharmacy, Video Rental Store (they still exist?), Check Cashing place (of course), and some Italian restaurant called Mazzio’s which I have come to find out is a chain as well, but the others are much cleaner and nicer than this establishment.

Reluctantly, I entered the restaurant thinking that it couldn’t be that bad because seemingly 75% of the town was dining there. I walked in and there were two types of people; the morbidly obese and the horrifyingly thin. I didn’t notice race, I didn’t notice sex, I only noticed girth or the lack thereof. That’s a lie, I also noticed an appalling lack of hygiene; both personal and facility wide. A dentist might have also found some work at Mazzio’s this fine evening. I walked to the counter to place my order and stood, un-helped for no less than 7 minutes while all 6 employees scurrying around behind the counter like roaches (real roaches have too much pride to be found in a place like this) did there best to ignore me when they were not yelling at each other. Finally, one brave soul asked if I’d been helped. I assured her I had not and tried to order. She informed me that she did not know how to take an order, but would find someone who could. I gave her high marks more effort and initiative. She must be on the fast track to management status. After finally ordering, I attempted to find a fairly clean place to sit and wait for my food to be prepared. I grabbed a copy of the USA Today sports page and strove to block out everything around me while I digested the baseball stats. Fat chance. The three children playing tag within the restaurant kept banging into my table and their piercing screams were enough to raise my blood pressure 40 points. Of course my 10 minute wait conveniently turned into a 25 minute wait. At some point during those 25 minutes I witnessed a seminal point in American history, the unveiling of the chocolate chip pizza. I knew something was up when the din subsided and was replaced by an anxious murmuring. Sure enough, one of the cooks shouted “Chocolate Chip is up” which was followed by a mad dash to the buffet line. I was left to stare open-mouthed at the chaos and wonder just what the fuck was up with our country.

Earth Day-Just Another Crappy Day That Makes Me Think Of Her

It’s always something. Today is the eve of an anniversary of some sort between the two of us. Lo, some 18 or 19 years ago we spent Earth Day together which was our first ‘official’ date, discounting of course the drunken night at the Balcony which was obviously too sloppy and not nearly romantic enough to be considered. If I recall correctly, we were not even alone, I think we were chaperoned by one of her friends and a large extremely hairy mixed breed canine of dubious parentage whose name I think was, Yeti, or Wookie, (actually, not Yeti, that was my buddy’s nickname for the dog’s owner) anyway, you get the picture. Being the nouveau hippies that we were, we attended an Earth Day celebration. There were Frisbees, Hacky Sacks, and weed. There were shitty Mexican blankets which we lazed on in Pfeffer Park staring at the clear spring sky and the trees and plants erupting from dormancy. Mainly though, there was her. I can distinctly remember how graceful I thought she was and how lucky I considered myself that a person of such beauty would want to spend time with a derelict like me. Her laugh, her smile; the usual suspects were all in attendance. Alas, that day is gone, so far gone in fact that she can barely stand the thought of speaking with me. Three kids, two dogs and thousands of broken dreams later those days seem almost to be a mirage; an image too good to be true replaced by anger, bitterness, and remorse. God, I wish those feelings were recyclable.

Appalled? Yes. Shocked? No.

After reading the article in today’s Times detailing the Pentagon and Administration’s intentional manipulation/use of retired military brass to catapult their propaganda on the national news networks, I was appalled. Obviously, I was not shocked, but this disastrous group of so-called leaders can still manage to upset even the most jaded. I gotta give them credit for that, after 7 years, I thought I had seen or heard it all. Well done, comrades! The article is filled with the requisite “I’ll scratch my back if you’ll scratch mine” type of shenanigans we have grown to expect from these clowns. Analysts immediately fall out of grace after actually speaking their mind, much less the truth. Other analysts continuing to land cushy government contracts for the various military support companies they lobby for after being privy to inside information. You know the usual Bush Administration bullshit. However, I was given pause by this series of paragraphs:

“I saw immediately in 2003 that things were going south,” General Vallely, one of the Fox analysts on the trip, recalled in an interview with The Times.
The Pentagon, though, need not have worried.
“You can’t believe the progress,” General Vallely told Alan Colmes of Fox News upon his return. He predicted the insurgency would be “down to a few numbers” within months.
“We could not be more excited, more pleased,” Mr. Cowan told Greta Van Susteren of Fox News. There was barely a word about armor shortages or corrupt Iraqi security forces. And on the key strategic question of the moment — whether to send more troops — the analysts were unanimous.
“I am so much against adding more troops,” General Shepperd said on CNN.

So despite the fact these men knew otherwise, they went on National television and lied to make sure they continued to get access to the Pentagon brass in order to help their lobbying and consulting careers. What have these lies wrought? Countless casualties on both sides of the conflict, enormous waste of American treasure, and of course the continued deterioration of American standing as a world leader. I would argue that we have descended to the point of laughing stock and/or punch line. So, I need to ask the question, beyond the moral shit storm these men deserve to deal with for the rest of their lives, are there any criminal charges that can be brought against them? I would expect some of them that were named in this article to face civil suits from families of deceased troops and I would expect these suits to fail, but regardless, these men need to face some sort of discipline for their deceitful, and in some ways, murderous actions. Will they? As usual, I won’t hold my breath.

Three Beer Decisions

I can’t help but think that my most recent three beer decision might be the last one I ever make. Probably wishful thinking, but nonetheless, the decision to play in an NHL rules full contact hockey game at the age of 39 while tipping the scales at a mean 135lbs., just could trigger my demise. If I post sporadically after April 25th, it is most likely because I am in traction at the local hospital. As my loyal readers know, I have made many stupid three beer decisions over the years, in fact in some way they probably define my life. Bad decision followed by a lack of judgment, pour over ice, shake, decant, serve. Although I would be reticent not to mention that a good portion of those three beer decisions have led to some spectacular evenings and crazy hijinks. Therein lies the rub.

She Fucking Hates Me

I asked her how she felt about me attending the party at her house for our daughter. She said she hadn’t thought about it. Right, you have not given it a thought. You, of the calculated severing of ties, controlling communications, and limiting contact; I believe that about as much as I believe the Royals are going to win the World Series this year or the Democrats will take back the White house. I suggested that perhaps it would not be a comfortable situation. She agreed. So as it stands, I am going to fly back for the chance to witness (from afar) my Daughter’s first communion (Boy, do I loooove me some church...), then retreat to the safety of my hotel room with my tail firmly between my legs and wait for the next morning when I will be provided the opportunity to spend perhaps 2 hours with my kids before boarding a plane and flying home. It reminds me of those stupid MasterCard ads:
Plane Ticket: $285
Hotel: $260
Rental Car: $100
Chance for Ex to be a complete manipulative, heartless freak: Priceless

I’m actually progressing to the point of recovery where I’m wondering how the hell I wasted 16 years of my life with someone so cold and intentionally hurtful.

Rock, Freakin' Chalk

It's crazy in the Land of Oz. What a game. This about sums it up.

The Smugness

It's so blindingly bright and ear-piercingly loud. I think I need to throw up. This is my favorite excerpt:

DePaulo: "[W]hen people say, 'You've created this climate of fear--'"

Rove: "I laugh."

DePaulo: "You laugh?"

Rove: "Yeah. I laugh. Sure. How? What, exactly? I'm not apologetic about what this administration has done. It's protecting America. It has won important battles in a war that we as a nation better win or we will leave the future to our kids, a much darker and dangerous future."

H/T: Froomkin

Instant Therapy

In my some days are better than others, why do I have to open my eyes this morning, the sun came out again world, I have found very little to provide instant therapy. Let me rephrase that, I have found very little to provide legal, non-toxic, non-debilitating hangover causing instant therapy. However, today I received a dose of something that I forgot works very well: the mountains. I had to travel to Northwest Arkansas for work and arrived under cover of darkness yesterday to the town of Fayetteville. I awoke this morning surrounded by small mountains, drizzle and fairly dense fog. Not exactly a depressive’s formula for happiness, but 5 minutes into a drive to see clients changed all that. I felt hope and happiness as the thoughts of simpler times and far away places flooded my mind while rolling through the old local hills. Hell, I even saw a deer that hadn’t been crushed by a semi yet…yet.

Update: The day was just made better by the discovery of this place. Simply amazing. However, I fear I might have to disguise my purchase while passing through Missouri and Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm not so certain the Constitution is still adhered to in those places.

The Megachurch of Townser

As the economy continues to falter here in the U.S., my thoughts have turned toward some sort of get rich quick scheme to help make ends meet. My best idea so far is to start a religion and outfit it with a fancy mega-church. I figured since I’m already ordained (Thank you Internets!!!) I’m halfway there. I commissioned some friends and acquaintances to write down some of the thoughts they had when thinking about me to help get the Church of Townser started. Their responses are posted below.

Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only Townser can count all the apples in one seed. ~Robert H. Schuller
Every evening I turn my worries over to Townser. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley
Townser loves each of us as if there were only one of us. ~St. Augustine
Young man, young man, your arm's too short to box with Townser. ~James Weldon Johnson
Townser understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown
What we are is Townser 's gift to us. What we become is our gift to Townser. ~Eleanor Powell
A man with Townser is always in the majority. ~John Knox
You can tell the size of your Townser by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your Townser. ~Author Unknown
Maybe the atheist cannot find Townser for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman. ~Author Unknown
I don't know if Townser exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. ~Jules Renard
A man can no more diminish Townser 's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. ~C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
The soul can split the sky in two and let the face of Townser shine through. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
Townser is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button to get things done. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick
The feeling remains that Townser is on the journey, too. ~Teresa of Avila
Townser 's last name is not "Dammit." ~Author Unknown
Once one has seen Townser, what is the remedy? ~Sylvia Plath, "Mystic"
As the poet said, "Only Townser can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. ~Woody Allen
Clearly, Townser is a Democrat. ~Patrick Caddell
Townser: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. ~Mark Twain

Now I’m just going to sit back and wait for the donations to roll in, and also commit adultery with a meth-addled male prostitute, because that’s very good for business.

FYI-Photo taken 10 miles from where I was born

Issues

Yes, I have plenty of them, but this post is not about me. This post is more of an indictment of what passes as the media in this country. Why is there so little coverage of the actual issues in the presidential race? I know that the differences between the democratic candidates are fairly subtle, but they still need to be hashed out. I am so sick of hearing about Hill’s sniper-fire story and Obama’s good reverend Wright. Why am I not hearing about their stances on immigration (which personally I could give two shits about) or the economy or their ideas about what direction our foreign policy should head or the looming energy crises or environmental policy or …..

Anyway, you get the gist of it. And when are we going to stop hearing about what a straight-talkin’ maverick McCrazy is and actually have a member of our media confront him on one of his numerous positions about our standing in the Middle East? Since they continue to change daily, you would think someone might want to pin him down on that one. But he is a maverick and also a straight –talker!!!!!!

Ankle Deep Thoughts

Thought #1
How bad of a human being do you have to be to completely alienate the person that at one time had chosen to spend the rest of their life with you without intentionally doing anything malicious? Answer: pretty bad.

Unfortunately, I am exhibit A.

Thought #2
How stupid do you have to be to refuse to move on and continue to hold out hope for some sort of future after causing said alienation? Answer: very stupid.

See exhibit A.

Best. Phrase. Ever.

Wall Street welfare. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

The Haunting

No one told me about the haunting. You would think that with all the divorced people on this planet, someone would have mentioned it to me. Talk about inconsiderate. In any case, she haunts my dreams. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is, and the last thing I need is her involved in every minute of my unconscious life as well. Whether it is her being completely unreasonable (asking me to pay child support for a child that isn’t mine) or completely bizarre (sleeping with my father…wtf?), she is ruining my time spent tits north. Is it too much to ask that she leave me alone while I try to find solace in dreamland? Just when I am in the middle of a great Dickensian-era England dream about anthropomorphized dog gang members terrorizing the city, she sweeps in and ruins everything. C’mon, have you no care for the sick and the dead to the world?

WWJD?

America is a mess. What would Jefferson do? Or for that matter, what would any of the founders of this country do? Those are the questions I keep asking myself, especially since we have been inundated with advertisements for the 7 part mini-series (maxi-series?) about the life of John Adams. As usual, Dan Froomkin sums it up nicely in his column today. As a bit of a history buff, I cannot help but think that these historical figures, so highly esteemed in this country, would be packing their belongings for that long journey to some new far away land in which they could escape the tyranny of our corporate monarchs and imperialistic oppressive leadership for a "do-over". Lookout Greenland, here we come.

Another one of those days

As best as I can tell, I am giving her what she wants. I probably owe her that. I have decided to stay in KC (I think, for now, maybe, possibly). She did her best to force me into that decision by treating me like a complete asshole for the last few months. Maybe now she will go back to treating me like a human being since I am no longer threatening her peaceful existence in Dayton. All I wanted in the deal was to stop hurting. The pain whenever I have to drop off the kids is unbearable. She had the nerve to reprimand me for letting the kids see me cry as I left. You tell me, what is worse, showing your true feelings in front of your children or backing out of the driveway in my convertible ‘vette with three hookers while laughing, smiling, and waving the whole time? What has happened to us? So, I have chosen to just deal with the pain from afar because frankly, I cannot see myself living in a city with her anymore. She is not the she I once knew, and it tears me up to even type those words, but it is true.

Message to her: Your plan has worked. I will not infringe on your lifestyle, but that being said, I need you as a friend. I need you as a confidante. As much as I want your love and affection, I understand that you are unwilling to give it to me, but you cannot possibly discount the years we spent together and the experiences we shared. You are doing us both a disservice by stifling this relationship. And when I say ‘relationship’, I do not mean a sexual, physical, ‘love-type’ scenario, I am talking about an emotional friendship where we can share day to day experiences and turn to each other for some release, empathy, sympathy, whatever.

So Depressing

I read something yesterday in our local cultural paper here in KC that really upset me. The music magazine No Depression is going out of business after 13 years. This is the magazine that turned me on to the Drive By Truckers and The Avett Brothers as well as many, many others. I always admired the editors for not trying to be all things to all people. The writing was always sound, not overly critical or flowery. Today I look at magazines like Paste and Harp which I felt had so much promise, but they try to do way too much. Incidentally, the recent compilation CD in the last issue of Harp just might be the single worst piece of crap I have ever listened to, and I went to High School in the 80's! I shudder to think what the music industry is turning into when great bands and magazines that support them can not afford to continue to produce their art because of ever-changing economics of the industry.

No Depression provided the soundtrack to my life for the past 13 years. The music I found there helped me through my divorce. It helped take me away from the day to day bullshit that life tends to provide. Even the title of the magazine helped keep me focused on my own personal struggle with the debilitating effects of depression. I still wear a No Depression t-shirt once every few weeks as an affirmation for my own victory (at least for now) and to give credit to a great publication. Peter, Grant, and everyone else involved, you will truly be missed, and thank you for all the hard work.

I'm so jaded, prostitution doesn't even sound fun anymore

I can't help but feel obliged to weigh in on the developing Eliot Spitzer debacle. As I sat with a few friends last night kicking around the story, I kept coming back to the point of why the DOJ was so interested in Spitzer's finances. A bank files a report suggesting that Spitzer was moving money around suspiciously (reportedly around $40K, no small shakes, but really not much to a man of his means) and this justifies an investigation? Color me jaded, but perhaps there are some folks out there with an ax to grind with the Governor. Perhaps folks that he pissed off while trying to clean up corruption on Wall Street, or maybe people he pissed off while bailing out the municipal bond insurers recently. Perhaps Republican folks within the DOJ who were affected or had friends affected. I'm just sayin... Nothing smells right anymore.

I fully agree what he did to his family is deplorable, and I always marvel at the idiocy that power produces. If he is forced to resign, so be it. If this turns out to be a witchhunt, there is blame to be shared. But there are others out there, (Larry Craig, David Vitter) in equally reputable positions who have not resigned or been forced out. As of this moment, he is still Governor, and the rumor is that he may try to stay in office. Regardless, it will be very interesting to see how this plays out. There are also rumors out there that of the 10 individuals named in the investigation, #9 (Spitzer) is named nearly 10 times more than others in the report. Why the disparity?

Womanifest Destiny

Womanifest Destiny, certainly not to be confused with the Bush Doctrine, is the belief that Townser will futilely continue his unfruitful search from coast to coast to find some semblance of love and peace with a fantastic woman. Having already destroyed one such relationship, and still striving desperately to somehow save it, the chances seem slim of any other kind soul jumping on board the HMS Townser bound for points unknown. God, I am so sick of being lonely.

The Sport of Tsars

My second greatest love, behind self-flagellation is hockey. I am so psyched to see Peter the Great back on the ice in an Avs uniform. You know, there just might be a God. Probably not, but it is still fantastic to see the guy in action again.

Crystal Ball

No wonder people are afraid of him. It’s like he could see the future:

“I know that even a successful war against Iraq will require a US occupation of undetermined length, at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences. I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the Arab world, and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda.
I am not opposed to all wars. I’m opposed to dumb wars.”-Barack Obama

10/2/2002

Dead. Fucking. On.

So Fucking Nauseating

I just threw up a little in my mouth. Actually, more than a little.

The Bucket Theory or Talkin’ Tax Cuts in War Time Blues

Imagine a farmer, let’s call him Uncle Sam. Sam needs lots of water to grow his crops. Unfortunately, Sam only has a finite amount of water which he collects through a downspout in a large bucket thanks to a kind and benevolent god who makes it rain. Let’s call the god, Taxus. Unfortunately, not all of the water is used to grow crops because there is a small hole in the bucket where the water leaks out. After many years, some more successful then others, Uncle Sam grows tired of the everyday dawn to dusk grind of farming and decides to sell the farm to an old family friend named George. George feels that he does not need as much water to take care of his crops so he decides to restrict the size of the downspout and also for some odd reason, decides to bore out the hole in the bottom of the bucket. And then to top it all off, he decides to start farming another 100 acres over in Baghdad County (I’ve always heard bad things about the folks from thar…). Needless to say, disaster ensues, and I just heard that old Farmer Sam might lose his cabin because he signed on for one of them there fancy adjustable rate mortgages. Talk about some bad breaks. Who’d a thunk it?

Questions for an Idiot

It has now officially been two years since the divorce went final. Add to that the roughly two years we were separated and you get a grand total of four years. So, to commemorate this great event, I decided to probe the depths of my mind (by using a simple pool skimmer)to figure out why this hasn't been enough time for me to actually move on. In doing so, I came across several questions that still need answers. In no particular order they are:
Why does her voice still make me feel that certain way?
Why does she still haunt my dreams?
Why do I still look for her in bars and on the street?
Why is everything still so raw?
How can I possibly still recognize, much less miss her smell?
Why do I still continue to hope that things will work out?
Am I living in a fantasy world, and if so, where the hell is Deanna Troi when I need her?
Why do I still hurt so damn much?
Why do I still want her more than ever?
When can I ever expect to get over her?
Why do my eyes still well up so easily?
Why do I still care?
Why does she still know me better than I know me?
Why do I still fawn at simple gestures from her that others would take for granted as normal human interaction?
I look forward to hearing from all of you with your answers. Yeah, right...

Why does Nietzsche hate me?

Ok, Nietzsche probably doesn’t hate me. Our paths rarely crossed, except for that one awkward weekend at the University of Basel after way too much absinthe and hashish, but I digress. The reason I’m pissed at him is because he penned the phrase “What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.” On first examination, the phrase does not seem too dangerous or damning, but after a failed business, a messy divorce, and other recent failures this quote is offered to me way too frequently. Therefore I would like to suggest that the next person who gives this ‘advice’ be prepared for a swift kick to the nuts. Just remember, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

U.S. Foreign Policy: Lesson 1, The Midle East

Beehive meet stick. Stick meet beehive. Lather, rinse, repeat.

War is Teh Awesome!!!!!!!!

Between the above photo taken from Abu Ghraib and this article from the New York Times Sunday magazine, I can’t figure out why we don’t start more wars. They look and sound like a lot of fun.