Both Barrels

Well, I got an explanation. It wasn’t the one I wanted, but it worked. And, as I stated before, I accept her decision, but do not agree with it. There is a bigger picture issue however and that is her behavior. She understood from five minutes after the incident happened exactly how hurt I was and she could have made it right. Instead she chose to let it fester. To let me continue to agonize over the comments she made. I took the high road until today. I let her have it. I told her how juvenile her behavior was and how disappointed I was in her that she would choose to act in that manner. How a normal person can ignore plea after plea from someone that she has three children with and has had a relationship with for over 18 years is beyond me. She knew how much I hurt and she just left me twisting. Rightfully, I will never view her in the same light…

I interrupt this regularly scheduled bitchfest to actually talk to her and them.

I’m not sure if that made it better or worse. I’ll stick with better for now. The kids sounded good and I believe we have reached some common ground. Is it possible to simultaneously want to strangle someone while holding them with every ounce of love and caring in your body? If so, I need to do that right now. I want to strangle her for letting me suffer for the past 18 days and I want to hold her because it is her and there is no one else like her. I’m a fucking mess and I hate it. Will it ever get any easier? She just completely devastated the last 2+ weeks of my life and yet, I want nothing more than to hold her close to me. It’s a sickness that I would not wish on my worst enemy which incidentally is probably her. Tears again...