Thursday, January 10, 2008

Headed in the Right Direction?

It’s been 11 days since she declared me persona non grata. You know, the whole ‘you’re not my friend’ incident and she is sticking to her guns. Any attempt by me at simple conversation, friendly conversation is met with steely silence or brusque words. Worse yet, she has made no attempt to contact me other then when I leave a message to please return my call or text. No big deal except that she controls my line of communication with the kids. I have continued to search for reasons for her behavior, playing through our recent conversations and my recent actions. Nothing jumps to the forefront of my mind. I continue to try to work beyond this, but am struggling mightily.

In the past, I would really let this affect everything I did. I would have a hard time getting out of bed, functioning at work, etc.; the typical behavior of a depressed individual. It was also during that time of my life that I began searching, searching for reasons why I felt that way, and searching for ways to deal with it. The four Noble Truths of Buddhism came to mind recently to help me explain this situation:

1. Suffering exists
2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path

According to Buddha, I have brought on this suffering through my attachment to desire. The desire of course, is her. When it will cease is anyone’s guess as I am not actively ‘practicing the Eightfold Path’. Hopefully there are ways around the path, maybe a shortcut, or tunnel, or bridge or something. Really, anything would work, I am just so sick of hurting. Ironically, these are the eight ideals that must be practiced:

Right View
Right Thought
Right Speech
Right Action
Right Livelihood
Right Effort
Right Mindfulness
Right Contemplation

Maybe I am closer than I thought…

1 comment:

Jon Swift said...

Sorry to leave an off-topic comment here (feel free to delete it) but I sent you an email thanking you for adding me to your blogroll and informing you that I had added you to mine and it was blocked by your email's overzealous spam filter. Take care.