Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Natural Progression of Things

That is the natural progression of things. That is the phrase she used the other day to help defend her position on the whole ‘you are not my friend, you are nothing’ dust up. Her reasoning is that we have moved on, we do not need to share things with each other anymore; we are not each others release. On face value, her argument is valid. We should make other friends and have other relationships, I wholly agree with that statement. It would be irresponsible to oneself to not try to move on. However, she blew a big hole in her own argument when she said ‘our relationship now is based on the children and doing what is best for them.’ So, doing what is best for the children consists of hiding behind a murky statement and letting your ex suffer mightily for several weeks. Fine. Doing what is best for the children also seems to consist of one word answers to questions about their well-being and one word answers about what is going on in their lives. Doing what is best for the children is being evasive about your whereabouts (can you say crack house?). Doing what is best for the children is shielding them from their father? In my mind, doing what is best for the child does not involve divorce. That being said, doing what is best for the children is having an adult relationship between ex spouses. Doing what is best for the children is providing an example to them on how to behave in bad circumstances. Her parents do it, her siblings do it, my parents do it, and my sister does it. Why can’t the two of us? I’m sure that her parents and siblings would love to shout me down and I’m sure my family feels the same way, but none of them do. They act like adults and continue to communicate as such. I do not understand why she is so guarded with her emotions and with the way she communicates to me. I can only imagine what it is going to be like when we have to discuss plans for college or perhaps planning a marriage.

So, Soph is getting married.
How do you feel about her fiancé?
Do you feel the relationship can last?
Can you expand on that?
Will you?
Why won’t you?
You’re not my friend anymore. I only talk like that with others.
Whatever, where do I send the check?

She does not seem to understand that we need to be friends. Actually, we need to be more than friends. I need to be her first phone call when something happens involving the kids. Not the call 24 hours later after all is resolved. Maybe she is afraid. Maybe she is fearful of her emotions. Maybe she worries that she will lose her temper with me and tell me just where to go and what to do with my thoughts. I wish she would. Maybe she is fearful because of some other reason, like maybe she knows she made a mistake or maybe she knows there is still something there. Regardless, I know the natural progression of things does not involve terminating an 18 year relationship because of needing to move on, while blatantly disregarding the children’s well being. The children she supposedly made all these decisions to protect in the first place. It’s so thick; I can even smell the irony.

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